Chapter 2 – Pregnancy made me suicidal.
(Mum Confessions is a collection of experiences shared by real mothers living in Singapore. We hope this series sheds some light on what motherhood can be like behind all the picture perfect social media posts.)
Pregnancy made me suicidal.
I have known my husband since our JC days and after getting married, we were excited about starting a family. We tried for a year and slightly after our first wedding anniversary, I found out that I was expecting. It was such happy news, but that happiness did not last.
When I entered my second trimester, I started feeling very self-conscious. We would get invited out to gatherings and parties but because of my morning sickness and constant feeling of fatigue, I stayed at home while my husband occasionally went ahead. During those nights, I felt very alone and started resenting the pregnancy.
I often feel sad and would cry when alone in the house. By the end of my second trimester, I was constantly picking fights with my husband. Although he was patient with me and often tolerated my outbursts, I would continue to quarrel with him and push his limits. To cool off, many times, he had to walk out of our home. At that time, I took his walking out very personally and would hurt myself. There were a few times where I had actual thoughts of ending it all.
Thankfully, throughout my entire pregnancy, my husband stood by me and convinced me to go for professional therapy as he had caught me a few times, hurting myself. I did not even realise that I was suffering from antenatal depression.
Yes, there is a term for it. Yet, I have never read or heard anyone sharing about this, I thought there was just something wrong with me.
Im sharing this in hopes that it may possibly help any expecting mum out there, who is going through the same things I did back then and is feeling as alone. You are not alone. Seek help. Antenatal Depression is a real medical condition.
I am now a mum of 3 happy, healthy girls. While the unpleasant pregnancy is now but a distant memory, I am eternally grateful for the help I received during that period and hope more mums who suffered the same, would share or speak out on this topic.
I survived my pregnancy although it almost killed me.
#mumlife #mumconfessions #youarenotalone